Beginnings . . . off the cuff

 Rules for a good life:

• Take care of your teeth
• Save lots of money (also see below)
• Have a retirement plan
• Have a health insurance plan
• Plan your funeral far in advance. You don't want it to turn into a hootenanny or food fight, do you? Well if you do, in fact, then still plan, but plan accordingly. Book the entertainment and caterer yourself.
• Avoid toxic people at all costs. For god's sake: don't marry them. They will not change. Trust me.
• Do not marry your work. It is a lousy lover and will never shovel the drive.
• Don't marry at all unless all parties involved are just over the moon about it and you have been dating at least two years. It's not necessary to marry. And it needn't be lonely--though you will be poorer. (But do see below)
• Have lots of good friends who will stand by you even when you start drooling (also see below)
• Develop a fine sense of humor and a flair for nonsense. Demand same in all friends.
• Take care of your feet. (I recommend peppermint foot scrub and moisturizer). You will tend to forget your feet (except during vacation time), but they will come back to haunt you, especially if you wind up in a hospital bed, even for minor procedures, with a snippy nurse who's afraid of cutting herself on your toenails. You don't want an angry nurse clipping your toenails pre-op. Clip those toenails regularly. In solitude. Don't inflict this beauty routine on anyone but you.
• Believe in something greater than yourself. Always. Use your imagination. There is something out there. You are not it. Sorry.
• If you suspect you are mentally ill or even just horribly stuck on the wrong end of the emotionally weird scale, seek help immediately. It doesn't get better. (Also see below)
• Do not keep guns in the house. Ever. Especially if you suspect you are mentally ill or emotionally weird and stuck around the 7, 8, or 9 slots of the weird sliding scale. 
• Maintain a sensible diet always. This is boring. But the research is clear: you will be healthier and happier and have more zip. "Zip" is fairly boring, too, especially to those on the darker end of the happy-sad scale. (Though you needn't believe in rainbows and unicorns and have my permission to shun those who do.)Nevertheless, you will need lots of zip for this life and vegetables and fruit are the cheapest way to get it. (Also see below)
• Force yourself to eat one fruit and one vegetable (fresh or frozen) every day. This is way below the RDA but I am cutting you a break. Do it, even if it makes you gag. I recommend anything in the berry family, especially red stuff, and -- you will be surprised -- Brussels sprouts.
• Red Flag Item: Under no circumstance have a baby because your mother wants to be a grandmother. Or because you think it will "complete you."  Or because you believe it will save your marriage (it won't). Or because you have a friend who looks like a Renaissance Madonna when she is with her child. Bad, bad, bad reasons to have a baby. Only have a baby if you really want one yourself because you kind of like/love children in a real neat unconditional way and know deep in your heart that you will be a fit and loving parent and not a douche bag parent. There is nothing wrong in not having a baby because you really don't want one. It will not diminish you or make you less of a woman/man. And if anyone asks you about tell them it's none of their business. Or go all biblical on them and say: I AM BARREN.
• Be kind and respectful to your parents but move far away from them and have a life of your own. Control visits assiduously. Especially if there is "history."
• Do not smoke. Don't start. It's very difficult to quit. It is a seductive habit that delivers on many of the promises it makes, including the one it never advertised: it will kill you or disable you badly. Also, you could rent a second apartment or go to the islands three or four times a year on the money you will save. Don't start. There is no place to smoke anymore anyway. You will wind up sitting on a rock in a wind tunnel while everyone else is dancing.
• Don't be afraid of getting older. It's not bad (it's not great, either), but it's not bad.
• Laugh. A lot.